Author's Note:
Million of thoughts have been in my head lately. Some people are gaining, while others are losing my trust. In the writing piece I wanted to tell a story without actually saying it. I wanted to have the reader be able to get the message, but have it be harder to find.
Wondering and Waiting
I keep wondering and waiting. Wondering if
you really do you care about me. Waiting to see if you'll put the effort to
come and spend time with me. When we talk, you reassure me thinking that
everything is okay and you'll always be there for me. When in the end, you’re
not. This leaves me depressed and hopeless at that point.
Make the commitment you're willing to put
in for others, but why not me? You make it seem like you like me, when in
reality you could care less. Think I'm stupid and too naïve to notice? Well you’re
wrong. I can see right through your games, and then you tell me that it's okay
and you’re sorry, but the saddest part is that I believe you. I keep
responding. Just one message from you can put the biggest smile on my face from
ear to ear.
In my head I keep telling myself to move on
because he'll be leaving soon. While I'll still be here, but then in my heart I
tell myself go for it. Don't live your life regretting everything and wishing
you could have done something when you didn't. That'll be the worst mistake of
all. I don't want to get caught though, in a bunch of lies. Don't want them to
find out, and never put trust in me ever again, but is it worth the risk?
That's the biggest question. Are you worth it?
Well, I have no idea what this is actually about, but the level of conflict revealed here concerning trust is really upsetting. My thoughts are that if you feel like you have to risk stability, or risk other relationships for the sake of a decision, that is something that you should talk to someone you trust enough to be honest with, and who you know will be honest with you in return. Unfortunately, at your age, friends just tell you what they think you want to hear, so you may need to think about who you can really talk to. Meanwhile, keep writing to process the various things going on in your life.
ReplyDelete