When I Grow Up…

Like every girls dream when they were little was to be a princess. We are faced with the image that if you're not pretty like a princess, then you're ugly, so when we dress up every Halloween we like to be someone we aren't for a few hours. Wishing and wondering we could be someone we aren't, escaping to a new life.

Then we get a little older. This is where you think you're going to be someone when you grow up. I'm going to be singer, dancer, actress, celebrity, or a fashion icon. You can be anyone you want to be. As long you dream big dreams. While you’re still young you think that when you grow up everything will go right, and nothing will go wrong.

Fast forward a couple more years and make- up is introduced to us. The more the merrier we assume. Hiding are true beauty, insecurities, and imperfections. We all want to be beautiful, and we all want love. We want the love we think we deserve, and we’re willing to do anything to get it. Acting like other people and becoming their clones so we find happiness. That's all we want is to be happy, but you can't make a rainbow, without a little rain.

Bitter

Some people have the great quality of lighting up any room they enter. While others bring in a pungent feeling. While I try to be as positive as can be in any situation, there are times when I can't hold my tongue, and I have to express my thoughts to someone.

Not sure if it was something I did, for you to act a certain way towards me. It's not that you're a direct mean person, in your own way you somehow disguise it. Bringing a fake smile to anything I say, when I can clearly see right through it. Its ice cold and it brings my emotion from ecstatic and happy to annoyed and sad in approximately 3 seconds. That's how quickly you can change my mood.

One thing that makes this extra hard is somehow everyone likes you, and has no problem with you, but I do. They say how you're so nice, pretty, and an overall sweet girl. This frustrates and confuses me deeply. How can they think this? Am I seeing something that is invisible, or is she only this way around me?

I will play nice. After all I will have to put up with you for the next 3 years in the fall. Will we become friends? No, never, not a chance. That ship has sailed awhile ago, but I will be respectful and kind, something that you never show me. I guess I have to be the bigger person.

Time

Time goes on.

It won't let you stop and take a picture of all the memories.

It won't let you have the great amazing smile shine from ear to ear.

And it certainly won't let you enjoy that moment forever.

The greatest moments of anyone's life will always be for a short moment of time,

Time goes...

Time goes on.

Like a ticking time bomb

Waiting for one thing to go wrong and BOOM!

That great feeling,

Is now gone and in the past.

Time goes on...

Time goes on.

It rapidly moves on.

As if when you blink,

It's over and done,

And there's no going back.

Time goes on...

Time goes on.

Though they are short,

They are great so when they happen,

Don’t ruin the moment,

And make it count,

Because time goes on,

And so does life.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Is it a bad thing that I vividly remember all the bad things in life? That I can't remember the last time that I was truly happy, without someone screwing up that moment? I remember the fights. The screaming. The crying. The times when I felt all alone in the world, and there was no one to talk to.  I thought my thoughts couldn't be shared because no one could ever understand what I've been through and understand me.

The reason I enjoyed the poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay" was because it hit close to home with me. The last couple of years I've been through a lot in my life, with my family and friends. This poem talks about how good things only stay for a short time and that they also don't come that often. Frost makes a few analogies that all go with the theme of nature, which was made perfectly. One thing I really enjoyed about this poem was that I understood it. Usually I can never understand poems truly. I may get the basic thought down, but that's not what the author was trying to convey. What they usually go for is a deeper thought that makes you think more, and isn't too obvious to find. Frost nailed this poem and kept it very simple, with little words, and to the point. That nothing good can last forever, also that Nothing Gold Can Stay.

Wondering and Waiting

Author's Note:

Million of thoughts have been in my head lately. Some people are gaining, while others are losing my trust. In the writing piece I wanted to tell a story without actually saying it. I wanted to have the reader be able to get the message, but have it be harder to find. 

Wondering and Waiting

I keep wondering and waiting. Wondering if you really do you care about me. Waiting to see if you'll put the effort to come and spend time with me. When we talk, you reassure me thinking that everything is okay and you'll always be there for me. When in the end, you’re not. This leaves me depressed and hopeless at that point.

Make the commitment you're willing to put in for others, but why not me? You make it seem like you like me, when in reality you could care less. Think I'm stupid and too naïve to notice? Well you’re wrong. I can see right through your games, and then you tell me that it's okay and you’re sorry, but the saddest part is that I believe you. I keep responding. Just one message from you can put the biggest smile on my face from ear to ear.

In my head I keep telling myself to move on because he'll be leaving soon. While I'll still be here, but then in my heart I tell myself go for it. Don't live your life regretting everything and wishing you could have done something when you didn't. That'll be the worst mistake of all. I don't want to get caught though, in a bunch of lies. Don't want them to find out, and never put trust in me ever again, but is it worth the risk? That's the biggest question. Are you worth it?